Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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